Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Applesauce (three word Wednesday - abandon, gradual, precise)

More from the cast of "In the Line Of Duty", "The New Assignment" and "Meeting Savannah". Thanks in advance for visitng!

“Are you serious? That is your car?”

Brian remotely unlocked a white Volkswagen Jetta in the parking lot of the FBI building, “What’s wrong with the car?”

“Nothing. If you’re a chick,” Savannah jeered, climbing into the passenger seat.

“The Jetta had very high reviews. Good gas mileage, excellent warranty, reasonable price...” Brian secured his safety belt, turned the ignition and adjusted his MP3.

“What are you trying to do, sell it to me? Thanks but no thanks, commercial man.”

“I thought you said this was a chick ride?”

“It is. Doesn’t mean I’d want one. Too froofy for me,” Savannah revealed a pistol from the glove box, “whoa, nice!”

“Can you please put that back!?” Brian’s voice turned stern.

“Suppose I should learn to shoot one of these eh? Is this thing loaded?”

“You’re holding it up where everyone can see! Put it DOWN Savannah!”

“All right… easy there Applesauce, wasn’t gonna shoot nobody,” Savannah returned the firearm to the glove box. “So can we go to a firing range?”

“Maybe sometime. Not now.”

Savannah frowned and retrieved a wallet from the pocket of her Capri pants. Fidgeting idly with it, she abruptly flipped it open and shouted, “FREEZE! FBI, Muddafuckers!”

Brian jumped out of his skin. “Can we NOT do that while I’m driving?”

“You really need to chill…”

“Wait, they gave you a badge?”

“Course. I’m pro,” she boasted.

“What ever happened to ‘all you stuffpants cannot think for yourselves’

“Stuffpants?” Savannah giggled, “Try stuffshirts. If you stuff your pants, that’s your business.”

Brian glanced at her badge, it was the real deal. How could Ed have given her a badge? She continued, “I told you, I’m pro. I’ll be stopping muddafuckers in their tracks!”

“A little discretion Savannah, that badge is for agents that carry themselves professionally. They wouldn’t be shouting muddafuckers…”

“Precisely. I told you though, I’m no stuffshirt. I’m not gonna keep my mouth clean and drive around in girly cars.” She resumed her mock arrest, “Freeze fuckers, FBI! Is that better?”

Brian sighed. Savannah felt her humor had been lost, and decided to change topic. “So what’s your story Applesauce? Am I gonna meet a new mom? New brothers and sisters?”

“I’m divorced. No kids. Well, until you, I guess. What’s with Applesauce?”

“I figured since I like you better, I upgraded you from Asshole to Applesauce.”

Brian tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, “Can you not call me that?”

“Too late, you responded to it already. That means you accepted it, so you’re stuck with it… Applesauce.”


“You like it, you know you do,” Savannah taunted.

“What about you? What’s your story?”

Savannah panned her eyes downward, “Dad abandoned me and mom when I was four. Who knows where that asshole is...”

“And your mom?”

She spoke in sincerity, “Mom OD’d when I was eight. She had a gift too, stronger than mine. Her mind gradually drove her crazy. She could not turn it off. She had all these headaches. Needed drugs to cope. Became too dependent and that was that.”

Brian was touched as she raised her eyes to him. It was the first time he had seen genuine emotion from the sassy girl.

“I don’t wanna end up like that. I’m gonna keep my powers under control. And I’m staying off drugs. No matter how bad it gets.”

Brian smiled, “That’s a good girl.” He failed to see what Ed saw in this teenager that would make her valuable until this moment. Beneath the sarcasm and the teasing was a responsible young adult. He placed his hand on her shoulder, mimicking a proud father, “You won’t end up that way.”

Savannah snapped into her normal tone, “OK creepy. Touch my shoulder again I’ll bend your fingers backwards 'til they break.”

“Sorry I was just trying to console…”

“Asshole. That’s right, you’re downgraded.”

“Can you stop with the swearing? It’s not very ladylike,” Brian slowed to a stop at a traffic light.

“You’re the one with the Jetta.”

“This is not a chick ride!”

“Oh yeah?” Savannah nodded her head in a motion to advise Brian to look left. A large man in a pick-up truck craned his head curiously to examine the Jetta’s operator, then cowered in embarrassment upon noticing Brian.

“You must get all the guys in this thing. Maybe I should drive it.”

“You’re a brat, you know that?”

“Thanks for noticing, Asshole.”


  1. I like the characters and would like to see a continuation. They have depth and there was a wonderful genuineness to the story

  2. I found their banter to be entertaining:-)

  3. Wonderful bickering highlighting the fact that even impassioned words don't exactly equate with interpersonal communication!

  4. Great interplay with the characters. Excellent, as always.

  5. Hi Jay, love that name 'Applesauce' !!!

    Here's one I saved for you:

    Ocean Rain blurp, dad's age!
    could be an anagram of
    Abandon, Gradual, Precise.

  6. Goofy girl. I'd like to know more about where Brian is going with her.

  7. wow what a 3ww attempt! i really am impressed :)

  8. I read your profile and laughed at the last line. Guess I was primed for laughter when I started reading this. (lol)

    Srsly, this was awesome. "Sassy Girl" is right. Excellent character building through the dialogue. I'm impressed; and envious. Its extremely difficult to convey a story in dialogue, and you did it so well.

    I'm checking out entries from the 3WW link, to get a feel for the concept before signing on. I'm sure I'll be spending a little more time here though.

    Thanks so much for the laugh tonight. I appreciated it.


  9. Pia - thanks, glad you like the characters! I hope to revisit them again.

    Melody - thanks, it is fun to see where the dialogue plays out with these two.

    Greyscale - Well put. This is definitely gelling into a love/hate relation between these two.

    Anthony - glad you enjoyed, thanks for reading.

    Tammy - thank you!

    Andy - this week was a good one for anagrams. We had all the vowels to use this time!

    Bunnygirl - Yes she is a bit quirky isn't she? Future installments should reveal their destination, I won't leave that one unanswered.

    Americanising - Thanks for checking it out! Appreciate the feedback!

    Donna - Glad you enjoyed and took away an lol or two. I apologize this is a bit of an ongoing tale and for those tuning in recently, like yourself, it may not all come together. The 3 prior entries relevant to this one are listed in the intro. "Meeting Savannah" would be chronologically first, then "The New Assignment" and "In the Line Of Duty" most recently. Thanks for visiting and commenting!

  10. Great back-and-forth in this. And I like how you scraped away some of her toughness, if only for a moment.

  11. Another great piece Jay! The back and forth between the two characters was real and funny. 'Applesauce' was awesome too. I would have never thought of that.

    Bravo, bravo.

  12. Nailed it again, Jay. The banter here paints the characters and the relationship beautifully.

  13. haha great chemistry. love it.

  14. Echoing the others, the interplay and "applesauce" were brilliant. The momentary vulnerability and Brian's reaction pulled the reader all the way in--the banter could have become abrasive but you kept it in control.

    You've developed compelling characters and an intriguing serial. I'm hooked.

  15. late late late but glad I made it here. I love the dialogue and that even though she is obviously something special you kept the vulnerable/tough as nails, teenage brattiness. You love her and want to give her a good smack all in the same moment and you just shake your head and wish "applesauce" luck. Looking forward to more!